Posted by Roger Mallett Posted on 15 June 2024

Dr. Science Fiction Himself: Part One of my Exclusive Interview with Dr. Anthony Fauci [Satire]

By John C.A. Manley

(Washington, DC) “Becoming an immunologist, originally, was just a way to pay the bills, and support my secret passion to become a full-time science fiction writer,” Dr. Anthony Fauci confessed to me in an exclusive interview, yesterday. “Robin Cook was my hero. Did you know we were both born in Brooklyn in 1940? Robin grew up to be the author of popular medical thrillers, I grew up to be the author of popular medical killers.” He let out a big guffaw, removed his glasses and wiped his tearing eyes. “Oh, my. But somehow, things got flipped around and my talent for spinning apocalyptic pandemic dystopias ended up providing the fodder I needed to become director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.”

This was what I had suspected after hearing the bizarre responses Fauci gave before the House Oversight and Accountability Committee Select Subcommittee on the Coronavirus Pandemic on June 3rd. During the hearing, he admitted to making up COVID protocols. For example, when questioned about the scientific validity of social distancing and masking, he said they “sort of just appeared.” Ideas sort of appearing is the mark of what professional novelists call a “discovery writer.” I should know, I’m one of them. We don’t come up with an outline for our stories, we simply start writing and the stories “sort of just appear.”

After hearing his testimonial, I sent Dr. Fauci an email saying: “I knew your secret. Deep down, you always wanted to be a science fiction writer.”

He wrote back immediately telling me to meet him in the boiler room in the basement of the NIH’s Hubert H. Humphrey Building. We’d talk there. Not online.

So I booked a flight from Toronto Pearson airport, and within twelve hours my plane was landing in Washington DC. As promised, I found the real Dr. Anthony Fauci sitting at a beat-up wooden desk, with a 1984 Smith Corona electric typewriter, in the dimly lit basement of the National Institutes of Health’s flagship building.

“So this is your writing nook?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Even though I retired as director, they let me hold onto this little corner.” He patted the dusty typewriter. “So, how did you find out my secret?”

“Easy enough,” I replied. “I mean, when the House Committee asked you if you recalled reviewing any studies or data supporting masking you replied, and I quote, ‘I might have, but I don’t recall specifically that I did.’”

Fauci broke out in a wide grin and spread his arms wide. “That’s the beauty of science fiction,” he began. “We just make it all up, write it down and run with it. Fans love it. They don’t want reality. They were all so bored with their lives before COVID. A little science fiction theatre was just what the doctor ordered.”

He then pointed to a model of the Starship Enterprise hanging from the cement ceiling over his desk.

“Like do you think warp drive is a real thing? Do you think Gene Roddenberry tested it before sending Captain Kirk star trekking all over the galaxy? Warp drive makes no sense, has no studies, but millions of Trekkies believe in it.” He leaned in close and lowered his voice to a whisper. “By the way, you know Operation Warp Speed? I came up with the name. Donald took all the credit, but it was really my idea.”

Read More – Dr. Science Fiction Himself: Part One of my Exclusive Interview with Dr. Anthony Fauci [Satire]

 

 


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