It’s good to see that, post Hankypankygate, everyone’s now rowing in the same direction. The winner of the 2021 Uncle Fester Lookalike Contest – Savid Javid, our new Health Secretary, said his main priority is to get “everything back to normal again as quickly as possible”. But the day after, Doris Jobsdone said Lockdown restrictions “will not be eased any time soon”. So that’s clear, then.
Ever since discovering six weeks ago that – while the PM was busy being ebullient about June 21st, the State was busy advertising new outsourcing contracts for Covid Marshals – my trust in the blond bummer has slumped to -56° below zero. He tries to position himself as a hapless prisoner, but (a) this is not a good look for a Leader, and (b) it’s clear that, once out of sight, he removes the ball & chain – the better to play his puppet role to the full.
I wonder how many observers are aware of the fact that Javid and Carrie on Plotting are longstanding close allies? She who Must be Obeyed was a special media adviser to our Sajid for some time, and never approved of Dom Cummings’ success in ousting him. I’m sure there was no improper social undistancing going on between them, although of course many informed Londoners continue to wag tongues about her time advising Zac Goldsmith. Either way, Son of Bus Driver is back with a bang, as it were….and Hancock and Cummings are no more. Carrie the Can-Do is Evita Bormann, and no mistake.
For those of you unaware of Fester’s cv, he was once Managing Director of the world’s most debt-toxic bank Deutsche, and has form as a marketer of not entirely legal Collateralised Debt Obligations(CDOs), as well as operating a tax evasion scheme known as ‘dark blue’ that squirelled bankers’ giga-bonus payments through the Cayman Islands. So he’s an upstanding citizen who will fit perfectly into the current Cabinet: no doubt, Grant Shapps will rush to advise him on “how to make shedloads of cash by Christmas”.
Read more: What really happened to ‘Midazolam Matt’ Hancock?
