“It’s wonderful news,” said Health Tsar Manflu Halfcock, “it arrived just in time to cause a rethink about June 21st, and I’m asking all the very nice responsibly unselfish terrified people to go down to Fleet Street and do a lot of clapping. Roibos tea and gluten free muffins will be supplied free by the Ministry of Culture, Media and Sport”.
In a move that should horrify and disgust all of us in equal measure, the male White supremacist rapist English Covid variant inseminated the poor defencelessly delicate Indian-lady version, and this has now become the Mutant Very Dangerous Vietnamese Hybrid strain. We know it’s very dangerous, because the Daily Telegraph bought space on social medium Litter to tell us.
Chief UK Medicated Wealth Officer Christopher Witless hailed the global media coverage as “a terrific display of inventive choreography” while Sir Hattrick Bankbalance praised the “dedication of slaves in reporting this deadly rampaging spawn of the Devil – even to the point of foregoing lunch in order to do so”.