Vote Blue, get Green. Vote Red, get Green. Vote Yellow, get Green. Vote SNP, get Green. I wonder why they bother even having an actual Green Party.
So in yet another way, Britain is coming more and more to resemble the old East Germany. Really? Yes.
The East Berlin commissars would have applauded our frenzied desire to rip small children from the arms of their mothers and stuff them into nurseries while their parents marched off to work.
They would have smiled on our easy divorce, our comprehensive schools and on our crawling state broadcaster, regurgitating party propaganda and closing the airwaves to dissent.
But above all they would have recognised our fake Parliament – plenty of different parties but only one opinion.
Did you know that Communist East Germany had a Liberal Party and a nominally conservative allegedly Christian Democrat Party? They did. They even had general elections, at which you could vote for these fakes (voting against was trickier, and staying at home would also get you noticed).
But like ours, they were all the same. And like ours, they represented the elite to the people, rather than the other way round.
What does Green mean anyway? It doesn’t mean you love the planet. It means you love a slogan.
I have always been a defender of our natural heritage. I feel almost physical pain at the sight and sound of a tree being cut down. I mourned the destruction of the railways and the tyranny of the motor car which resulted. I have for 40 years endured the mockery of colleagues and the spite of drivers for riding a bicycle, alas for me in a Right-wing way. I paid over the odds to travel abroad by train rather than plane, long before Greta Thunberg was even born.
But none of this counts in my favour. Because the new Green Frenzy is a faith-based dogma, not a set of considered opinions.
As Labour leader Keir Starmer discovered in his Trotskyist 20s, a moralising, self-righteous alleged concern for the planet is the new Marxism.
It’s not a moral system. It is organised hypocrisy in which you show you are good by saying the right thing. Actions don’t matter. It’s your mind they care about.
If you’re a Hollywood star, you can fly first class and ride in a petrol-gulping car just so long as you swear allegiance to the Cult of Greta. But you may be sure that others will suffer for it, whether they like it or not.
The wild plans embraced by Johnson last week will cost billions in subsidies, and so in taxes. They will endanger the power supply. They will also mean more children slaving for small change in the hellish mines of the Congo, to find the raw materials for the batteries on which this noble project relies.
Life, you may be sure, will be poorer, darker, colder and generally glummer, again, quite a bit like East Germany.
So it is probably a good thing that we are rapidly losing our freedom to object, that our new People’s Police get bossier every day, and most of us seem to quite enjoy being told what to do.